DOG DAYS – A blast from the past
My son, who is fourteen at the time, is punching his fist on a book, doing his best to break the binding. I begin to yell at him, my usual reaction during one of his common fits of rage but what I say sends a chill up my spine.
“How would you like that done to you?” I scream. Where in the world did that come from?
Then it hits me. All in a flash I remember those same words directed at me, a defenseless little girl, as I landed on our flagstone patio.
I was recalling an incident that had been buried for 35 years. I am guessing I was about 5 years old. My recollection of the scene is this.
I had been mean to a little puppy. I would pick him up and then throw him back down again. I can still remember his yelps. I can’t imagine doing that to any animal or anything today, which makes me wonder what led me to that state of violence. I have no idea why I would do such a horrible act. Did I see other people treat animals and people like that? Is that why I hurt the defenseless little dog? I don’t know why a quiet, pretty, blonde-hair little tike would do such a thing.
My mother came to the dog’s rescue. She had heard the dog’s cries and wails from inside our ratty old house of wheels. This enormous size woman – think white Aunt Jemina – was going to show her pip-squeak daughter a thing or two.
She comes at me screaming.
“How would you like that done to you!” she bellows. Since I do not have a scuff on my neck like my puppy, she grabs my ponytail. As soon as she gets me high enough, she slams me down, than snatches me right back up again, over and over, again and again. This continues until her strength runs out.
Thank god she was a heavy smoker – 4 packs a day.
That’s all I can remember from that awful day. The old battle-ax always pulled my hair instead of giving me spankings. That same spot on my head still hurts, every time I get angry or upset it’s as if she is still torturing me. This reminder has stirred up notions about what other awful events might have happened to me that I cannot recall.
I ask myself how anyone can do this to anyone! Say anything about a sweet little girl? Do something so mean? But that little girl was being evil to those poor little dogs.
As an adult, I wanted so desperately – I really wanted to break the cycle of abuse, and then I found myself doing the same thing!
My daughter also remembers that day I lost my temper with my son. You see I had just gotten notice that he had not been attending school for a 20-day period. I was livid! I stormed into the house and found him playing games with another boy who had also skipped school that day. I picked up the nearest thing close to me- I found a curtain rod! And I began to whale on him! This weapon was so very similar to the switches my mother found so handy throughout my childhood. Again I ask myself how anyone could do such a thing to their own child or any child. I ask you now: am I so different than that mother I despise?
I had no idea what I had done. When I saw I left whelps on my first born’s legs, it was awful! I asked my daughter about it recently. She is a grown woman now.
“Mom, you never hit either one of us again!” she said.
Well, I am glad of that, but still.
Too many years later, long after my son’s death, I found out why he did not go to school. His social studies teacher was molesting him. My son did not confide in me. I’m very sorry for that and my actions still today! As a type of repentance I tend to look out for the underdog, for those who cannot defend themselves.
I originally started this blog to get away from Facebook and it seems after taking this course my blog is basically a hobby. I need a good mission statement:
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